Hints of a Plan

    So, I was speaking to my mother on the phone while at Scruffy's house. He randomly and enthusiastically asked to speak to her. I gave him the phone and then insisted that I leave the room so I couldn't hear the conversation. I did leave and I didn't eavesdrop (even though I really wanted to). BUT! I've picked up some pieces from here and there. I know the conversation is about Scruffy's and my future, also that he had said it was something he felt was right to tell my mom and his mom, he would tell my dad but he doesn't really know him very well. 

    We've talked about marriage and stuff. If it's in the Lord's will, we will be married and we have an idea of a plan. I won't get engaged until I am 18 and still want to wait a while afterward to get married. We want to start college off first before we get married. We will not move in together until we are married because that is what's right and what the Lord wants. I, unfortunately, have to admit, we did not wait til marriage before having sex. It was a mistake we made several times, but will not make again. 

  *Side note* What really got us to make this mistake was my decision that I wanted Scruffy to be my first. I used to practice abstinence. However, I was the one who enticed Scruffy to have sex. He had talked about it before and wanted to but never attempted to pressure me into it. I asked him to do it with me while we were naked, alone, had access to condoms, and he was excited. I can act and play dumb, but I knew what I was doing. After a few months and only doing it a handful of times, we put a stop to it. We knew God didn't want that and that we didn't want our relationship to get addicted to that. At first, I didn't really care that I had lost my virginity. Later, I told Scruffy that I regretted that we didn't wait, but I was glad he was my first. Now, I realize I regret that I'm not even happy that he was my first. He wasn't my husband and I used to say that I wanted to wait so i could tell my husband that I waited for him. Even if Scruffy will become my husband, I can't say I waited for him. Also, I've lost something that I can never take back and it breaks my heart. I wish I could take back what I did.

   But back to the purpose of the post...I think Scruffy will propose soon. My 18th birthday is in 8 months. He's talking to our moms about the future and I also happen to know that he has started a savings account for the future. He's getting a free ride to college so...what could this mean? I'm so nervous but so excited too.

"But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
And I need you"

-God gave me you by Blake Shelton