A Touch from God

So. Yes, as the title is called, this is about a "touch from God." True story.

First, I have to give background info. I am only 17 years old. I have sorta been saved since I was eight years old, but I feel I didn't understand what I was doing and just going through the motions my Grandmom had been telling me about, so really, I started to truly believe in God when I was eight years old. I went to church every now and then, and even had my own bible. I never was really religious nor did I really try to read the Bible; however, I did believe. I was Christian and tried to do right by God. Until...

I met Joshua (name changed due to anonymity). I had always been told to not date outside my religion for various reasons: They will drag you down. It will cause arguments. You're parents won't approve. Basically, it won't work. But Joshua was the first really cute guy to like me and he was funny. He was a little on the creepier and more sadistic side, like me. (By the way, please take special attention to the "little" because we were very little). We both were a little emo. We both used to cut and later in the relationship we both did again. It was a long distance relationship so we only saw each other once every 2 months when he spent the weekend at my house. He was borderline agnostic and atheist. He used to be Christian until he lost his faith, but he still wanted to raise his kids to be Christian, which is what I thought would count.

So I thought, as long as I don't try to push my religion on him and keep my faith strong, it'll be okay. In the beginning, I did talk a little about God with him, but didn't do it much and soon didn't do it at all. The one argument we had over it was when he posted on facebook that Christians were weak because they waited for someone else to deal with their own problems. I was not okay with this and even thought about breaking up with him, but the argument died down and was dropped. Eventually, I started backing away from God. I stopped mentioning him so much. I stopped praying.

We were together almost a year when I felt I should tell him that I loved him. The weekend I mentally prepared myself to do this, he called to tell me he only felt like a friend to me and wanted to break up. As this was my first 'love' from a teenage girls heart, I was devastated. He called at 10 pm and I didn't stopped crying till I fell asleep around 3 am.

After the first few hours of sobbing, I got down on my knees and prayed. I prayed, and begged for God and Jesus to forgive me for turning my back on them and asked that they receive me again. Instantly, the air changed around me to a warm, comfortable atmosphere. Then, I felt comforting arms that I couldn't see go around my shoulders and console me. It was then that i realized I didn't need to ask to be received again. Even though I turned from Him and no longer acknowledged Him, God never left me. He never turned away from me and never stopped loving me. For a long while, I stopped crying from the pain of losing someone I thought I loved. I began crying from the joy and comfort knowing that the Lord never left me and will always love me.

That peace that surrounded me that night is something I can never forget nor could ever be made from man. No human could ever make me feel that way. That peace was from God and no one could do like Him. That night, I was truly saved and have only strengthened my faith since. Yes, I have made mistakes, as we all have and will, but never, NEVER, will I turn away from God again.

"With men, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26

►►►Ben Breedlove's story of a sight of Heaven

"I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see
Oh i believe"

-Believe by Brooks & Dunn

Please Pray

     My Oma is having trouble with her heart. Also, my mom has gotten called back to have a second breast exam. The first was a mammogram and the second will be an ultrasound. Please pray for these strong women.

"Lost and insecure... you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor... surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?... Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late... you found me, you found me!
Why'd you have to wait... to find me, to find me?"

-You Found Me by The Fray

Hints of a Plan

    So, I was speaking to my mother on the phone while at Scruffy's house. He randomly and enthusiastically asked to speak to her. I gave him the phone and then insisted that I leave the room so I couldn't hear the conversation. I did leave and I didn't eavesdrop (even though I really wanted to). BUT! I've picked up some pieces from here and there. I know the conversation is about Scruffy's and my future, also that he had said it was something he felt was right to tell my mom and his mom, he would tell my dad but he doesn't really know him very well. 

    We've talked about marriage and stuff. If it's in the Lord's will, we will be married and we have an idea of a plan. I won't get engaged until I am 18 and still want to wait a while afterward to get married. We want to start college off first before we get married. We will not move in together until we are married because that is what's right and what the Lord wants. I, unfortunately, have to admit, we did not wait til marriage before having sex. It was a mistake we made several times, but will not make again. 

  *Side note* What really got us to make this mistake was my decision that I wanted Scruffy to be my first. I used to practice abstinence. However, I was the one who enticed Scruffy to have sex. He had talked about it before and wanted to but never attempted to pressure me into it. I asked him to do it with me while we were naked, alone, had access to condoms, and he was excited. I can act and play dumb, but I knew what I was doing. After a few months and only doing it a handful of times, we put a stop to it. We knew God didn't want that and that we didn't want our relationship to get addicted to that. At first, I didn't really care that I had lost my virginity. Later, I told Scruffy that I regretted that we didn't wait, but I was glad he was my first. Now, I realize I regret that I'm not even happy that he was my first. He wasn't my husband and I used to say that I wanted to wait so i could tell my husband that I waited for him. Even if Scruffy will become my husband, I can't say I waited for him. Also, I've lost something that I can never take back and it breaks my heart. I wish I could take back what I did.

   But back to the purpose of the post...I think Scruffy will propose soon. My 18th birthday is in 8 months. He's talking to our moms about the future and I also happen to know that he has started a savings account for the future. He's getting a free ride to college so...what could this mean? I'm so nervous but so excited too.

"But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
And I need you"

-God gave me you by Blake Shelton

CHRISTmas

Christmas. 

     This is not a holiday made solely to exchange gifts. It's not to give nor receive. It isn't even about seeing loved ones. Christmas isn't the birth of Christ either. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ. It is found that Jesus was born in the late summer, probably August 22. We celebrate His birth because He became a human to save us from our sins so that we may experience eternal life in Heaven. He was thought of as a bastard child throughout his life and was mocked and attacked. He was hunted down and beaten. A 'crown' of thorns was pressed down on his head until it punctured the skin. He was whipped until the flesh on His back was ripped open. He was nailed to a cross by His wrists and ankles where He died.He went through torture for days without pause before giving up the Ghost. He did this for you, for him, for her, and for me. Because of this self sacrifice we are allowed a way into Heaven. Now, all we need to do is ask Him to forgive us for our sins, and accept Him as our Christ and Savior. He loves you more than any human can love you and has proven that by the torture and death He endured for you. He has opened the gate to your eternal paradise. Take the step and seek God's salvation today.

Houston, We have a problem. And a Bucket List

    Well, I can see that I am already skipping a few days without putting up a new post. This is very unfortunate for me. I want to do at least one daily so years and years from know I can see where my mind was when I was 17. Wow, that age seems so young, but I feel so old. However, I know i still have a lot to learn and just as much to experience. So heads up, here's my bucket list as of today:

• Read the entire bible
• Marry, but never divorce=) (but hopefully to Scruffy♥)
• Go skydiving
• Cliff dive
• Swim with sharks
• Write a book worth reading
• Have at least one kid but no more than two hehehe
• Bring someone to the Light of God
• Be in the newspaper for something positive
• Sell a piece of art, have a piece in a gallery
• Have more than one follower;)

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land
But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there"

-Drops of Jupiter by Train

Is it ok...?

Is it okay keep stuff from your boyfriend or girlfriend? Similar to the the common expression, "everyone has their little secrets?" I hear some of my friends tell me stuff that they've thought, said, or done that they haven't told their significant others. Yes it is stuff that their boyfriends or girlfriends wouldn't be happy to hear but shouldn't be upset about but probably would, especially since they have kept this stuff from them for so long. I feel it's stuff their other halves should know but as their friend it isn't my place to say anything, much less cause a rift in their relationships.
Just to ensure trust, I try to tell my boyfriend everything: the stuff I'm not proud of, the stuff in my control, the stuff that's not, and the embarrassing stuff. That's because I feel it is his right to know and I want him to do the same to me. If everything is out in the open, you have nothing to hide.

"So make me promises, girl, the kind I know you can't keep
And while I'm losing my mind, I hope you're home finding sleep.
But you and I both know that that's not the case
Because the look on your face gives all your secrets away."

-One Hundred Times by Hit The Lights

You'd Be There

You said you loved me
I thought you cared,
But now I call you
and you aren't there

I was hurt.
You couldn't be found.
Without you there,
I fell to the ground.

Don't ever think
That I didn't feel
The wounds you caused.
But my Lord heals

You said you'd be there
I called a thousand times or two,
I screamed your name
But where were you?


Just came up with this on my way to work today

And now the Russians are in on it...

So now Russians are looking at my page along with Germany and Brazil. I am so glad the world is coming together to view my blog. :) of course I'm kidding but I still am amazed the people across the world can read my words. Now if only I could get a few more minions.....(hint hint)
Well, I must go but here is my third charcoal picture I have ever made. It is of my church. Please excuse the horrible quality of my iPod camera.

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
you'd better run, better run,
outrun my gun.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, outrun my gun.All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
you'd better run, better run,
faster than my bullet."
- Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the people

I AM AN ARTIST!

      I am an artist. That simple statement says so much. I own a visual journal, and make separate pieces also. I have painted amateur-ly before, but I feel my true talent is in my charcoal and graphite. Here I have my first charcoal drawing and it is a detailed close up of the strongest part of the self portrait. It's name is "Seriously?"

Seriously?

I claim all ownership and rights to this. 

One of my role models in art is Helen Palmenteri, a local artist, Suzi Blu, an artist on youtube, and people say my Chalk Pastel drawings are similar to the Flower series of Georgia O'Keefe.

I hope you enjoyed my first picture of art! =D and expect more coming soon!

Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
(won't you take me away)

-Drift away by Uncle Kracker

Hello Germany and Brazil!

     I have just a few minutes before work so this post should be short. 

     I have several people from Brazil and Germany who have viewed my blog. I just want to say it is really cool to know that someone across the world has read my words so thank you to Germany and Brazil. Also, Guten tag to Germany. I apologize Brazil, I don't know any Portuguese.

    Well, I am off to work but I really don't feel like going. It should be a lazy day.

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

-The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars

Dedication to Minion #1- Gilded Cage

   I'd like to start a tradition where I dedicate an entire post to each new minion. I love my minions. That minion can comment on their dedicated post with questions or requests. Minion #1:

Gilded Cage

   She is Brenda-san actually, but I love her under any name, except as someone else's girlfriend, lover, fiance, or wife, because she is MY lover and none but I shall have her. Muahahahaha Just kidding. I'm not gay, but to screw with her boyfriend, I claim her as mine. And as she is one of the few Spanish-speaking friends I have, I end this dedication with this:

"Que si me muero sea de amor

y si me enamoro sea de vis

y que tu voz sea este corazon

Todos los dias A Dios le pido"

-A Dios le pido by Juanes

One day...

     The worst part is when I to leave him. I hate that we stand outside by my car because we are having to say goodbye. It hurts so much to transition from goofing off together to telling each other how much we miss the other one. Saying goodbye to him, then getting in my car and driving away feels like breaking my heart and giving him a half to keep until I can see him again. It's all worth it to see him, and to anticipate seeing him again, but it hurts to say goodbye.
      We consistently talk about the future and what it holds if in God's will. One day, we will be married. We will say goodnight to each other every night, and then fall asleep with the other just a few feet away. We won't have to worry about saying goodbye because we'll know that we will see each other again in just a little while. I'll be able to proudly say "I am one of God's children and also the wife of (Insert Scruffy's real name here)." And he will be able to announce to our family and friends, "I asked (Insert my real name here) to marry me, and she said yes!" Also, the most important thing, I won't have to miss him. I'll be with him 'til death do us part.'
      I will marry him one day, if it's in the Lord's will. We plan to start off college and then move in together the day we get married. We will be married in the same church his parents were married in, and will spend our first night of marriage in our new home, but then spend the honeymoon at the beach for a few days. Our love will continue to grow every day as it does now.
      I am realistic and know we will not be happy with each other every minute of every day. All the romantic tendencies that he does now will probably fade away. There will be times that i won't want to even see him because we will be so angry at each other. We are going to fight about something stupid, argue about how to deal with the kids, and will need some solitary time. I do not have a false fantasy about us completely happy all the time with little floating hearts around our heads, but I do believe in our love and that we will work together toward our dreams in life and work though tough times with the help of our Father, God.

"There it is, baby don't move
I wanna soak this in,
I got a new favorite memory of you
Here we go again
I've got a new favorite memory of you"

-New Favorite Memory by Brad Paisley

Oh, Scruffy, don't try to hide. ;)

     I showed Scruffy my blog today. I have been thinking of not showing it to him...reasons unknown. 

     I call him Scruffy because he has a goatee, but he pulls it off really well. I've picked and called him Scruffy before, but he saw how his code-name on here is Scruffy so while he got ready for work, he shaved his beard. He looks so much younger without it. Anyways, he came and showed me, letting me feel the smoothness. I looked up lovingly into his eyes and said, "It's okay if you're smooth or not. You will always be my Scruffy." He groaned while I laughed maniacally. Muahahahahahah.

     But I'm off to work my job as a waitress. I don't mind it too much until you get butt-head customers. They walk in pissed of and just make everyone in contact with them miserable. But I hope it'll be good tonight. I need the money because I still have to get Scruffy's Christmas presents and his birthday present. He wants Batman: Year One, Fantasies by Metric Cd, and Scott Pilgrim sound track. Oh how I love my little dork so. =)

 "It's a great day to be alive.

The sun's still shining when close my eyes.

There's some hard times in the neighborhood, 

but why can't everyday be just this good."

-Great day to be Alive by Travis Tritt

Love and a Few Tear Drops

Tonight, I am visiting Scruffy. Actually, I am spending the night. Earlier we were extremely upset with each other but with God and a few rules about arguing it's all okay:
1. NEVER argue over text or online.
2. It's ok to walk away to calm down.
3. Try not to intend to hurt the opponent.
4. Always finish an argument. (don't go to bed angry)
5. Remember the good things about the opponent while arguing.
6. Think before you say.
7. Try to imagine being in the opponent's shoes.

I dislike arguing because someone always gets hurt. Then the other person plain feels bad. Tonight I started crying over something. He almost started to cry too, but he still took me in his arms to comfort me. I feel so protected. :)

"I want to hold you high and steal your pain"
- Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee.

Wondering About Canadian Bacon

    If a person in America throws a slice of ham over the border into Canada, is it Canadian bacon or ham?

    The random questions that run through my mind. Scruffy says that it originated in America, therefore it s ham. I say that it is now in Canada, so it's Canadian bacon.

     I found my friend, Egg with Fur's blog. He is dating Brenda-san and back in March, he cheated on her. As I am very protective of Brenda-san, I was on her side (plus she was the one who was cheated on) and I told Egg with Fur how I felt about it. I never thought about what was in his mind or what he was going through. Reading his blog from that time, I realized what kind of torture he had put himself in. He hated himself and thought he had lost the love of his life, and he was suicidal because of it. When his father found out about the suicidal part he punched him for it. I had no idea, and I feel bad. He did cheat, but the thing with his dad?....I want to beat his dad in the face. The verbal or physical abuse of a parent hurts more than anything in this world, and will stick with you always.

"But it hurts when you disapproved all along 

and now i try hard to make it 

I just want to make you proud."

-Perfect by Simple Plan

The beginning of an addiction

So here I am, not even 24 hours later and I am blogging again. I'm in art class but I don't feel like doing what the criteria is asking right now so I am procrastinating.
I'm sitting here chilling with my friends Zebra and Unicornisaurus. Zebra has helped me turn on my iPod cuz I couldn't figure out how. It's Early in the morning so I find this reasonable. Unicornisaurus has been poking me with a long ruler. I shall kill him with it soon. Muahahahah.
I am an AP art student but this is an art 1 class. I take it to have more time for art.
My hair keeps tickling my shoulders and neck and feels like a spider. ITS FREAKING ME OUT!!!!!!!!! I hate spiders. They are creepy creatures that crawled out of the deepest pits of hell....but snakes are awesome.

First Impressions...with a side of Dedication

             My first blog. Never thought i would do something like it, but I am starting to like trying new things. I also always thought blogging meant telling people about your own life that was none of their business, and yet, I want to tell someone, anyone, about the random things in my life: How i feel, a past memory, a fear of the future, a question. I am an artist, so expression is becoming a major part in my life, but also I am tired of holding in emotions because i feel they are a weakness only in myself, and i want to tell people my past. Its a little rough and doesn't bother me as much anymore but i still need to talk about it.

            I am a girl with almost-black hair, tan skin and brown eyes. I am a little skinny but a little tall for a girl. I have a few freckles, 3 birthmarks and i am pigeon-toed. I bite my nails and doodle on the sides of papers. I love reading, sweet tea, and God/Jesus. Music is an inspiration and good food is a must-have. I keep a bible in my car and keep paint in my room. I go to school, work, eat and sleep. Live, laugh, love. 

            Speaking of love, I am in love with my boyfriend of over a year, eating food, and God. My boyfriend is a goofball with a deep heart, a talent for art and a love for God also. He is tall, lean, blond, and amazing. He is my strength, my love, and my best friend. To keep his identity a secret, i shall call him...Scruffy. Muahahaha.

           I started this blog under the influence of one of my best friends and my art buddy, Brenda-san. So with this blog, i suppose i should dedicate my first one to her. She is cool, goofy, and a great person. She is what she calls a 'nub' but she is my nub and i claim her anyways. So here's to you Brenda-san. I thank you from inside the blogging world.