Paper Towns by John Green

   Just finished this book mere minutes ago, and there is surely something to be said about this arrangement of words on series of pages. The entire book is written with a flow and iconic style that I have never witnessed before but absolutely enjoyed. I had realized something about this casual literary genius that is John Green during my time reading his works (unfortunately I have only conquered three thus far) and dear John Green has this ideal person, and of course I have no idea why Green is so infatuated with this individual but he seems to adore this seemingly average person who does not paint masterpieces that freeze time and space, or plays songs so beautifully that your heart melts and then takes over your mind and melts that too, or write speeches that stop worlds from orbiting, but is simply extraordinary in everyday ordinary life. In his books you read from the view point of someone who recognizes the extraordinary existence of this human being who is so awesome and great just by being his/herselves and witnesses the phenomenal acts and words of this person. To anyone else, these are seen as unexceptional, but in the eyes of the main character every word, every movement is a unprecedented wonder.

   Why this matters is because of you. You may see yourself as this average person, but to a certain someone who you may or may not be aware of, every phrase you say and move you make is a bewildering and marvelous event. They love the way you look at something and how you think and by which you speak and the way you sit and and and… 

    With just the slightest movement, the most insignificant words, the smallest gesture, you light up their entire world in brilliance and beauty, and what’s the most astounding? You haven’t the slightest idea of the remarkableness that is you.

And the Happily Ever After began...

Last July, I married Scruffy. 

And it was one of the best decisions of my life. I've felt happiness that I thought was impossible. I feel like I have been able to experience more joy in these last six months than most people get in their entire lives. I have never felt like I have had one person completely on my side and now, I have someone who roots for me even when I am losing. Since I cannot come up with a verbal explanation that will even remotely describe how I feel, I shall just say that being with Scruffy has been simply amazing.

I was only eighteen when we got married, but I have no regrets. I can't say that I think it is for everyone. Just as every person is different, every relationship is different as well. What I can say is that you can decide how to treat someone, it is your choice whether you are around them or not (mostly), and it is your decision to stay or leave. However, it is not anyone's choice as to how you feel about someone. You cannot stop your heart from loving someone, just as you cannot stop the tide in the ocean. Rather than asking your heart to listen or your mind to decide, listen to your heart, because it alone possess the ability to truly love.

Forever is more than just a word. It is a promise.

"If all else perished, and he remained,

 I should still continue to be;

 and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, 

 the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."

-Catherine Linton, Wuthering Heights

Losing people who aren't going away forever.

For the most part, home has been amazing.....and heartbreaking. Spike (my brother) and I have gotten to hang out and joke and just relax these last few days, which has been so wonderful. And, as I watch the boxes in his room fill up so he can move in with his dad four hours away, its breaking my heart because I know this great sibling time is limited. Spike will leave, and no matter how many times he visits, or for how long, we will never be as carefree or innocent as we are now. Things will never be the same. I finally have my brother. I finally deserve to have my brother, after I have spent so many years tormenting him, and now he's going to leave soon. I'm going to miss him so much and it kills me because it doesn't just feel like he's leaving for just a little while. I feel like these are the last few times I'll have with him.

It's been awhile...

Yeah, I don't really have an excuse. I haven't written on here nor in my diary much. My mind has been boggled and what not. I'm changing school campuses and transferring jobs and maybe marrying this upcoming year. Things are gonna be real different for me soon and with so much going on I'm just overwhelmed and very nervous.  So many changes. What if I can't handle my classes? Or can't afford my schooling to be what I want to be so much? What if the people at my new location are hostile and gnaw on my esteem and confidence? What if my mom can't afford to have me and scruffy move in? What If there's an emergency? And what if we change churches and it causes so much drama, not only for us but for his family?

Oh so much to think about but I must remember my daddy's mantra: always be nice and don't lie.

Hmmm....interesting

University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color.

You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's Inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

A Decision Made, a Future Revealed

I think I've decided. I know it will be an extreme struggle and a lot of hard work, but I am willing to do it to ensure a stable career, but mostly I want to help those who have reached rock bottom and help them be productive and happy members of society. I want to help someone help themselves. I want to be an addiction psychiatrist.

Another one for the wishing well

I bet you don't think I remember. You probably think that I was too young and it was too insignificant to remember. But I do. I remember.  I knew what I was doing too. I knew I could get in trouble. I knew there were gonna be consequences. I even knew there was a chance the broken glass could cut me, maybe even severely. But I don't think you understood my purpose. I was fighting back. I was trying to hurt the bad thing. I wanted to injure it or kill it if I could. Of course I wish I could have, but even more, I wish you would've taken notice. I wish it would have made a difference.